The Three Most Important Words

Down in the dumps? Remember the three most important words known to man; no, even more important than 'I Love You'; the words are KEEP THE FAITH. Read below to know more.

As much as we would like to think we are, we aren't, invincible that is. People, situations, world news, words (said and left unsaid), deeds, they all affect us. Just the degree differs. And also how honest we are in accepting the fact that we've been affected differs. So when all the things mentioned above - people, situations, news, words and deeds - affect us negatively, what do we do? Simple, change. Wait, sorry, it's not always that simple. Let's take it case by case.


Can we change the people around us? In some conditions yes we can. Meaning to say we can surround ourselves with different people, who are less negative, or who make us feel good about ourselves. Okay, established. But can we change those people? Change the person that they are? Can you change yourself? I guess it would be difficult right! When you realize how difficult it is to change your own self, the one you know inside out and have complete control over, imagine what little chance you have of changing someone else. So forget about it. It's neither your prerogative, nor in your capacity. 


What about situations? Can we change those? To an extent we can, but to a very little extent. Human beings, vegetables or cosmic dust, we all dance to a mysterious tune, intoned in the distance by an invisible player; Albert Einstein can't go wrong. Do all you can to change what has happened, but you may soon find there's not much that can be done. Whatever happened, happened because it was destined to. The sooner you accept, the better.


Words and Deeds. Now these can be of two kinds, words said and deeds done or words left unsaid or deeds left undone (quite a mouthful!). Here too, if seen from a fresh perspective, the said/done words/deeds may seem less offensive than they initially did. Not always though. So then, the next logical and fair step is clarification. Depending on who the words/deeds are of, it is wise to clarify it with them rather than beating yourself over it. It happens, more often than not, that you see a completely different meaning or intention behind those words/deeds after having clarified (provided both parties have been truthful of course). It can save lot many friendships from seeing an unnecessary end! So now what about words/deeds unsaid or not done? The first question that needs to be asked here is "is my expectation appropriate?" If you answer yes to that, ask "is there any reason why the other person would deliberately not do or say as I expect him/her to?". Nobody wants to hurt anybody deliberately. But still it happens and it is no doubt very unfortunate. But expecting someone to know your expectations without you ever talking about it is a tad unfair to that person. So, check the legitimacy and clarity of your own expectations; if in place, then check the other person for malice or ignorance. Things might start falling into place. Language has been invented by man in order to communicate, do not waste such an ingenious invention! 


I can also elaborate on changing world news; will end up concluding that not much can be done to drastically change that either. Does it mean that when any of these bring us down, there is no way for us to get back up? Is apathy and perpetual depression the answer? Well, for some it may be! But there's a better answer. Two actually. Put simply, the answers are Perception and Prayer. (Wow, the Perfect Punch to a Problem are Perception and Prayer!)


Look at the situation from top. No, the 19th floor isn't what I mean. I mean look at it as a third person. Remove yourself from it, and replace a woman/man (as the case may be) for you, and look at it as something happening to that woman/man. "This man has just been ridiculed by his senior for the error he made in the report", "this woman has had a fight with her good friend because of something she failed to do", "this woman is mad at her husband because he didn't do what she expected" etc. Detach and see the situation as though it is a story you are reading. Isn't it just too easy to know if a character is wrong or right, or what he should/shouldn't have done while reading a story? Why is that? It is because you are not one of the characters, and that gives you the ability to be completely objective and fair. Why treat your own life any different? Go on, be a reader of your story. You will be amazed to see sides that you couldn't earlier. And the perspective you receive by doing so, is nothing short of liberating!


Changing perception to a situation is a good way to deal with things. But it doesn't suddenly make you go from feeling low to feeling on top of the world. At such a time, pray. Merely saying a prayer is different than praying. Pray, with all your heart, with all your hope, with all that you are. Don't be shy. Of all people who know you, He knows you the best and there is nothing hidden from Him. Be honest, be sincere and tell Him how you feel. He listens, evaluates and then gives you what you need. But in all this, the one thing that you should never let go of, is hope. 


Praying and changing perception will not lessen the burden per se, but they'll surely help you feel stronger and readier to tackle the burden that you (and only you) have to. And what better time to reach out to friends than the worst of times!


Remember, Keep the Faith. God has a plan for you :)    

Helping a Friend

A friend in need is a friend indeed – one of the so many proverbs taught to us as part of our English syllabus in school. I still remember I was first introduced to this maxim when I was 5 or 6, and it confused me. The thought process of my raw mind was “if a friend of mine needs me then how is he/she a true friend?” Not the exact words of course, but something to the effect. Obviously I came to realize the actual meaning of the proverb eventually, but my naiveté was fun to share and also that is something I’m writing about, helping a friend in need, and becoming a friend indeed!

How do you help a friend? You see a friend in distress, you know it in the deepest corners of your psyche that they are troubled, yet you do not have an exact reason for their state of mind; they don’t help you with that either. They are either too shy or too proud to ask for your help, or they don’t look at you as someone who can ‘help’. Maybe they are right. This is a particularly delicate proposition for you. Do you leave them alone and let them heal on their own, do you cheer them up with anecdotes, do you give them food for soul (in the form of ‘wise words’) or do you just forget about it, after all you aren’t even sure if they are facing a problem. All these options seem equally good. Yet listing them like this doesn’t help you choose what you should go for. One thing that works here is prayer. As a wise Sagittarian once said “a prayer in its simplest definition is merely a wish turned Godward”, let Him know of how well you wish of your friend, and then, hope. Given that you don’t know what better to do, having a little faith would give incredible strength to you. And good wishes from the heart are bound to reach the friend and give them strength too. You, as a friend, may not be able to enlighten them with ‘the solution’ to their problem/s, you may not be able to hear them out, you may not be able to lessen their burden, but you will surely be able to contribute in making their back stronger, more capable of carrying their load.

Sometimes a prayer is all you can give.            

An Ode to a Soldier

This is a poem from a very dear friend of mine. An ability to pen beautiful verses is one of the many things he has been blessed with.

"As I drove to work I heard a great song from the point of view of a soldier. It inspired me to write this little ode.
In Canada we have started a bit of tradition called Highway of Heroes. On August 24, 2007 the portion of the highway between Trenton and the Don Valley Parkway in Toronto was designated as the Highway of Heroes as the road is traveled by fallen Canadian soldiers from the Canadian Forces Base to the coroner's office in Toronto. I use the 401 every day, but rarely do I remember those who shall ride it for the last time!


An Ode to a Soldier


Jahaan rakt ki nadiyaan behti hain,
Ek baar usmein nahaa lena tum;


Jin galiyon mein jaan chhoot rahi hai,
Un galiyon ko bhula na dena tum;


Hamare jism ki lau jal rahi hai,
Us lau ko bujhne na dena tum;


Meri maa aur behen jo ro rahin hain,
Un maa behen pe hans na dena tum;


Jis desh ki keemat hamari zindagi hai,
Us desh ka sauda na kar dena tum;


Bas itni zaroorat hamein lag rahi hai,
Wapas ghar na aaye toh maa ke paaon chhoo lena tum.

Telepathy - My Take

TELEPATHY

“Communication from one mind to another by extrasensory means”; that is how the Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines the term. 

Well the dictionary also defines the term God. But it doesn’t mean everybody believes in Him. It also doesn’t mean that everybody perceives Him exactly the same. Same goes with telepathy. Here are my thoughts on the concept.

The law of Conservation of Energy states that the total amount of energy in an isolated system remains constant over time; energy can neither be created nor destroyed, it can only be transformed/transferred. When I marry this law with the sentiment of telepathy, I come up with a reasonable rationalization behind the phenomenon that is telepathy. (#Nerd Alert!)

Put simply, telepathy is when I think of someone and they know I’m thinking of them. The terms ‘think’ and ‘know’ need some explanation in this context.

Think – in the context of telepathy, this thought of someone should be subconscious, involuntary and might even take you by surprise. You cannot decide "I wish to have telepathy with this person today"; nobody can do that (maybe psychics?). Ever so often I find myself thinking about a person from my past -  schoolmate, colleague, vegetable vendor, grocery store owner, friend, cousin, lady I met in the bus, teacher/professor, senior in school/college I’ve never spoken to, parent of a friend, friend of a friend, neighbor, past crush, school auto driver, a patient, a patient’s relative….. I don’t consciously think about them but still they come to mind. The ‘thinking’ can range from a fleeting thought to a constant perception of their presence throughout the day (not sure what determines one from the other, maybe how much I am/have been influenced by them?). And as a principle I remember them in my bedtime prayers, including a small segment for them in addition to my routine prayers. That’s not all. When you pray, when you think, you send out vibrations/energies/waves out there into the universe (which here is our isolated system) unknowingly of course. And if the law of conservation of energy was to hold true, this quantum is not supposed to be destroyed. According to me, this energy is perceived by the person in question. And the prayers that I say for them, well, He notes them and acts according to His will :)

This brings me to the next term that needs elaboration – ‘know’, as in “they know I’m thinking of them”. In order to discuss this, let me become the person being thought about. So when someone somewhere thinks of me, how do I know? Maybe in the form of the fleeting thought or constant perception mentioned above, maybe by my crappy day suddenly seeing its highlight, maybe by me being able to catch the bus when both of us are late ;) and many other ways which I am oblivious to yet. That is what makes it so special; the energies you receive may not necessarily be perceived. We need to learn to identify these energy packets sent to us. Trust me; each day would be special because on your darkest day you will realize there is no such thing as ‘does anybody really care’. People care for you, they love you.

And this brings me further to what we do once we realize we just experienced ‘telepathy’ with someone. Praying certainly works. In your prayers, say good things about them (be sincere!), wish good for them and remember happy moments spent with them. Writing down or saying out loud your wishes for them is another way. And most importantly, wherever possible, make contact; text them, call them, email them, write on their facebook wall, send them a ‘missing you’ or a ‘thinking of you’ greeting; nothing lifts the spirits better than knowing someone somewhere is thinking of you. What are the other things you can do once you realize?

For now, go ahead, make life lovely, yours and theirs. It's so easy to love the people you love!             

Not Being Scared is Also an Option

DEALING WITH A TERMINAL ILLNESS

Nothing on earth can prepare you for the day you hear the diagnosis, be it for yourself or for someone you love. When it invades your inner circle, you are left with no choice but to deal with it, to your best ability.

Not a long while ago, this phenomenon graced my life. But like all the million other things, it didn't affect me very directly' it happened to someone in my life; it was close enough for me to take a lesson nonetheless. 

Nobody knows exactly what you feel being in face of such a horrible phenomenon. The doctors know the pathology, the family knows the prognosis, and the friends know they will miss you. But they will not understand what you are going through. Nobody would unless they have been there.

At such a desperate time, there are a few things one should not ignore.

1.      You are Not Alone

There is a large group of people out there, just like yourself, who have been fighting the same or similar disease, who know or can understand what you are going through now and what you will be battling against in the future. Try to get in touch with them; an impersonal relationship held strong by the bond of parallel suffering can create wonders!

2.      There is So Much to Know

There is a vast pool of knowledge available on the subject; you just need to look into the right place, ask the right people. Try to talk to rather than consult your doctor, or a relative or friend who is a doctor. Years of medical training prepares a doctor to be non critical.  Don’t let the fear of being judged or pitied upon come in your way of gathering as much information about your condition as possible. Doctors are here to help you; they would be pleased to contribute to your relief. Ask questions - silly, intelligent, technical, too many, repeated; these questions and their correct responses would become your friends in your time of crisis. And of course, being forewarned is being forearmed. You will know what to expect and be better able to prevent or manage certain stages yet to come. It would also give a better chance to your doctors to manage your illness more effectively.

3.      Numbers Can be Terrifying

Figures are just numbers. Don’t go around looking for survival percentages. That is what my relative did, and being a non-clinical person that he is, these figures did nothing but scare him and depress him further. They are just statistical data and are frightening for sure. But bottom-line is, they do not tell the whole story; they do not give the personal account. Your state of mind alone can determine which group of the statistical figures you belong to!

4.      Valuing What 'Is' More Than What 'Isn’t'

Be grateful for what you have; there are many out there who would give anything to have some of the things that you do. Count your blessings and be determined to make the best of the available time. Organize your life. Take stock of all your business dealings, your finances, your legal papers and your will. These are important and complex issues; you wouldn’t want to deal with these decisions when unwell. Tackle these when your health isn’t too bad.

5.      Leave a Legacy

Your family and friends deserve to remember you in all positivity. It is their right to think about you after you are gone and thinking about you should make them happy. Make videos, presentations, letters, or collages for them, for their important events – graduation, birthdays, weddings, becoming parents. You owe it to them, to leave them with fond memories of you, to let them know how you feel about them, to let them know how proud you are of them or how grateful you are for having them in your life, to make it easier for them to wind up your finances and legalities after you. You may live more completely and meaningfully in those few years than many people who live to be old.

6.      Help Yourself

Introspection and self suggestion are very strong weapons in times of adversity. (They aren't difficult things to do. Any person with a functioning mind and hence an ability to think can do it.) Write a journal or a diary. Note down your fears, apprehensions, angers, frustrations, insecurities, triumphs, happy moments, moments when you felt peaceful, your goals. Going back to earlier pages would show you how far you’ve come as a fighter and how your response has changed or needs to change with each passing day of the illness. Your outlook towards many things would change and you will certainly feel contentment.

7.      Indulge

Do things which were considered selfish till now. Of course not ignoring your family in the process, try to fulfill that one dream you had, that one sport you wanted to play, that one place you wanted to visit; go bungee jumping (if you are healthy enough), go on a cruise, go to a beach, go visit a relative or an old friend. Stop putting off doing and caring for things which seemed trivial or silly. Live life a bit more. Work on your marriage; make your spouse feel they have the best life partner in this whole world. Make most of the time you have.

8.      Talk

And very importantly, talk about it. The illness, the treatment, the suffering, the imminent death should not be out-of-bounds topics in the household or among friends. Talk openly about it; try to answer any questions thrown across to the best of your ability, seeking help and advice on death and spirituality on the way. Talking more and  more about it is probably the best way to achieve objectivity on the matter, which will certainly help greatly.

Your disease is not you. It doesn’t define you. You have got the disease, the disease hasn’t got you. You are capable of living the limited time to the fullest and making it count. Leave behind a legacy that everyone who knows you learns from and tries to copy.

In 1909, Mark Twain is quoted as saying: (source Wikipedia)

“I came in with Halley’s Comet in 1835. It is coming again next year, and I expect to go out with it. It will be the greatest disappointment of my life if I don't go out with Halley's Comet. The Almighty has said, no doubt: 'Now here are these two unaccountable freaks; they came in together, they must go out together.'“ His prediction was accurate – Twain died of a heart attack on April 21, 1910, in Connecticut, one day after the comet's closest approach to Earth. Now wouldn’t that be a nice way to look at death! Remember, not being scared is also an option :)